Why Bother? The Constant Struggle for Meaning and Consistency in Photography
Why do I bother writing these posts and more importantly, what’s the point of taking photographs in a world where everyone is a photographer? Is there really an image anyone hasn’t seen by now? Do we really need another post on Substack from a photographer opining about the trials and tribulations of being a modern photographer?
This feeling has been happening to me on an annual basis for the past three years. It’s what prompted me to dive back into film last year as I looked for some sort of inspiration or motivation to continue to take pictures. I mean, really, what am I doing? Honestly.
If I were cornered and you asked me why I take pictures of things, I would be hard-pressed to answer. I don’t know. It’s just something I feel compelled to do. I don’t plan what I shoot, I don’t use the same camera for more than a week at a time, and my interests in what I shoot change on a seemingly hourly basis.
It’s just fucking exhausting. I know, first-world problems, which is 100% accurate. But I can only work within the life I have, and right now, I want to know what’s the point? Why can’t I just stick with something for once? I’ve always admired those who could delve into a subject and keep at it for years and years, or even for a lifetime. Me? I’m lucky if my interest in something lasts longer than three months.
I would settle for just keeping to one style of photography. You know that post I wrote just a couple of weeks ago about macro flower photography? Yeah, I’m over that now. Happens almost every winter. Macro photography, that’s my thing! Then as soon as I declare it, that’s all she wrote, and my macro lens goes back in the bag for another eleven months.
As evidenced by the tone of this post, I’m in that in-between phase of looking for the next thing or photographic genre to be into. And it’s also a period when I feel blue, drink more (more on this in a future post), and generally am a cranky asshole. Life needs purpose, but what if that purpose is constantly changing?
Usually at this juncture is when I delete my photography Instagram account and vow to never bother with social media again. I did delete my Facebook photography page last week, and I don’t miss it. Engagement was shit. Instagram engagement is shit. Foto is at least interesting at the moment.
If social media didn’t exist, would I have this problem? Is social media the foundation of my troubles? Perhaps seeing other’s work is what drives me to jump from one genre to another? I know photographers who purposefully don’t follow other photographers because they can’t deal with the constant comparison.
I’m sure social media is a big part of the problem, but I think the bigger one was creating an LLC for my photography and turning it into a business. The stress of trying to make money, especially if you eschew the money-making routes, like wedding and portrait photography, is all consuming. If you don’t partake in client work, what’s left is teaching, social media and YouTube. If I have to explain the exposure triangle to one more person . . . fucking hell.
My way back usually starts with street photography. It’s a genre I love, but I never quite feel competent at it. My interests within street constantly change, so I can’t keep a consistent style. Does that matter? I don’t fucking know. One day I want to capture the decisive moment. The next I want to get the silhouette of a person walking out of a triangle of light. What makes it worse is that street photography is filled with a bunch of gatekeeping assholes. Not all, just a loud minority. There are some of the most generous photographers who shoot street, but there is a cadre within that think they are God’s gift and bash anyone who has the temerity to show off some work.
You know what I’m good at? What I’m honestly confident in shooting consistently? Black and white. It’s what I get praised for the most. It’s what I feel the most confident in shooting. I even have a Leica Monochrom camera that I literally shed tears over when I first opened the box after purchasing. So what gives? Why can’t I just stick with that? I don’t fucking know.
Black and white encompasses all genres of photography, so it can fulfill my constant changing moods while still being a consistent style. What I did learn from writing a few novels is that process is vital. There were plenty of days when I didn’t feel like writing, but I had made a daily word goal and I had to stick to it. I had the flu in the middle of writing my first novel and I still got my word count in.
The lesson? Process and routine is the key. I have given in to my emotions which keep me swinging from one interest to another. What I need to do is create a process and/or routine and stick to it. Maybe shoot only black and white for the rest of the year but don’t limit the genres, or the equipment? Set aside certain days where I have to go out and shoot.
Of course, soon after writing the previous paragraph, I went on all my public facing platforms and archived all color photographs thinking I had found the path. How long did that last? Two days later, I unarchived all the color photographs. FML.
So what’s the answer? I already know, and have known, for quite some time. But knowing something intellectually, and following through emotionally, are two different things. I’m not going to be the next Alan Schaller, or Alex Webb, or Fan Ho, so stop stressing over it. Just grab a camera and shoot what feels good. I made a similar observation in my macro flower photography post but apparently I didn’t get the message.
At 56 years old, it’s time to grow up, stop listening to “they,” stop comparing yourself to others, and accept the fact that you change photography interests like a channel surfer. You are you, and that’s more than enough, it’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re a photographer and that’s why you take pictures, not for anyone else, only for you.
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